There is some Vanilla Coke in the downstairs fridge, if anybody wants some.

I went to the Game Developers Conference in San Jose last week to find out the latest trends in the fashion world.

What’s hot?

Chubby guys in box goatees.

You can’t improve on a classic! But you can, of course, dress it up with a sexy and fashion-correct accessory. And what outfit wouldn’t look better with the addition of a neck-slung, conference id badge holder with a neon green lanyard?  However you wear it…

...with a tie: , without: , or even backwards! 

Did I say backwards? What the??? Is it the apocalypse?

Phun Phoreign Phacts: Magnus Tellefsen is okay. He was not killed by naked ladies in Norway, as previously reported. It was not his “Akers Mic” store that burned down, but another. According to Magnus, there are actually FOUR “Akers Mic” stores in Norway. This is quite surprising to me, because I didn’t know there were that many stores in Norway, period. I figured there was one store for, like, coats; one store for potatoes; and one that sold those little troll statues to tourists. And then I just assumed that one of those stores was called “Ankers Mic,” and sold XBOX games under the table. But I was so wrong. Sounds like they have a bunch of stores over there. Maybe even enough for a mall. Man, It’s going to take an ARMY of naked ladies to burn all them all down!

That’s all the news there is. Well, actually there’s more, but it involves rats, and I’ve got to tone down the rat news. See, I’m going to post a job listing for an effects programmer soon, and I don’t want them to find out about the rat situation until we have them all hired and sedated and tied to their desk. Once he or she is here, it won’t be a problem. (We give all Double Fine employees a daily injection that numbs their feet, so they aren’t be distracted by the constant nibbling.) So, until then, ixnay on the atsray. Total ixnay.

fabulous art: Chris Schultz

Okay, I don’t really want to point the finger at anybody in particular here, but because not enough of YOU voted for the Double Fine babies, California is going to be represented by one of these ugly, ugly quarter designs. Your loss, suckers. I guess you preferred something like the old man panning for movies and DNA? Maybe I’m just jaded about it because I live in California, and panning for movies and DNA is, like, hourly occurrence for me, but I was hoping for something with more relevance. And heads.

Your choice has made the babies cry. When you’re doing your laundry in a few months, and you see one of these sad little wafers of mediocrity slide into the machine, try not to think of how cool things could have been.

Warning: If you have any of the naked ladies from the Double Fine XBOX Naked Lady Giveaway, you may be in grave danger and—who are we fooling?—You are probably already dead. If it’s not too late, then you must immediately fold the ladies in half, put a book on top of them, and lay down on the floor and scream until help arrives.

We have received this shocking news from the other side of the world, from a tiny country known as “Norway.” If you can read Norwegian like I pretend to, you will see that there is total flammehav going down at a store called “Akers Mic.” Why is that significant? Because, a while back, I sent a drawing of two naked ladies to THAT VERY STORE.

It all started a few months ago when we were contacted by a young Norwegian man who worked at Akers Mic in Norway. He had recently purchased an XBOX, and he wanted his due %#$@&!. He enclosed his receipt, and so we I sent him the ladies, not knowing that they were cold-blooded arsonists.

Well, okay. So, truth be told, I DID know they were cold-blooded arsonists. That’s why I sent them so far away. But they claimed to be reformed. They had served their time. Plus, I figured, “Hey, they’re naked. Where they gonna hide the matches?”

So, please, Mr. Akers Mic, please contact us right away and tell us that you’re all right. And if my ladies burned down your store, I am so sorry. My total, total bad.

And if you’re not Mr. Akers Mic, but some other Norwegians, please walk down to Akers Mic and see if he’s okay, would you?