News Threat Level Update: HAUNTED SANDALWOOD!!

Dang, just when I thought it was safe to waste some time, HAUNTED SANDALWOOD sneaks up from behind and goes “Boo!” in a vaguely-brown sort of way.

Frightening! But I can’t help it. My bunions are telling me there will be some sort of news this month and I have to listen. (You try to go back to sleep when your bunions are whispering in that creepy voice. It’s not easy.)

What’s that? How could we skip Charred Topaz and Metallic Chartreuse? You got whiplash? You’re not comfortable moving this fast? Well, it’s not called the “News Comfort Level,” is it?